Xenu Goes to Jail: Remastered

“Stop right there buddy. Barold n’ Beli are here to get the battle armor back!” exclaimed Beli triumphantly. “Oh, I don’t think this ‘battle armor’ is going away anytime soon, Barold and Beli.” replied Nixon. He sent a shock of electricity at them. Beli was able to duck and Barold jumped out of the way, who then leaped and kicked Nixon in the chest. Nixon stumbled, but quickly recovered. “You are strong,” Nixon started. He swooped down and picked up Barold by his neck. “But I am stronger, Soviet scum.” Suddenly, Beli ran and attacked Nixon, but the president knocked him down with one slap. “As they say in Siberia, ‘Don’t give battle armor to capitalist, or he beat up fat man,’” said Barold, gasping for breath. “Your little Soviet science project appears to have failed. You may have killed Mao and ended my victory in China, but your armor will be used to topple communism all over the world. I am afraid no one beats Nixon, commie!” said Nixon. Barold, with the last bit of strength he had, reached into his pocket and pulled out the string cheese Bryan had given him back in Cleveland. He threw it at Beli, and while the odor of the string cheese in Barold’s pocket from the beginning was enough for anyone to wake up, Beli got up instantly and saw what was happening. This time, Beli was ready, and he grabbed onto Nixon’s legs, pulling him down with his weight. Nixon dropped Barold and fell to the floor temporarily. Barold tried to catch his breath and think of a way to defeat a super-powered Richard Nixon. Barold knew his battle armor was a combination of many great inventions, but some of his inventions like his gravity boots were back in the time machine and could even the playing field. Beli’s grip broke and Nixon flew towards Barold and tried to punch him in the face. Barold blocked with his arm then spun around just in time to dodge a blast from his lasers. “Beli, go out broken window!” shouted Barold. Beli jumped out the window for the second time in one day, right onto security guards, with Barold right behind him and Nixon flying right after them. “How does 20th century capitalist war criminal use future suit better than you?” asked Barold while they were running. “Gee pally, I wish I knew, I suppose your suit ain’t made for people of my stature, but *gasp* what *gasp* do I *gasp* know. Whew! I need a breather,” said Beli. “Do you not see angry Richard Nixon shooting lasers and destroying everything in path coming after us?” asked Barold frantically. “Yeah, but I need a drink and some cheese,” replied Beli. An electric bolt from Nixon frisked his hair. “Golly gee, the cheese can wait!” shouted Beli, running faster than he ever had before. They rounded the block and found the time machine, but Nixon landed in front of them before they could enter. “Not so fast, you may think you can escape, but you will find it impossible to escape Tricky Dick.” said Tricky Dick. Barold was all out of ideas now, but it appeared Nixon didn’t see the time machine, which was still hidden under a tarp. Siberian sayings were so wise. “Fine, you win Tricky Dick, but I have bigger secret to show,” said Barold. “What? Is Brezhnev gay? I knew it! Did you know that both Ancient Greece and Rome fell because of homosexuality? It’s true the last six Roman emperors were—” said Nixon before getting cut off by Barold. “We not Soviets here to stop China talks, we time travelers from future and we can show you time machine, great Nixon. We trying to get back to the future, but machine broken,” said Barold. “Back to the Future, I like the sound of that,” replied Nixon. “Just let me step inside and I show you, come on Beli.” said Barold, pulling off the tarp. As soon as he was in, Barold put on the gravity boots still there from their last adventure, but Nixon was ready and pinned Barold down. “You really thought you could pull a fast one on Dick did ya? I am the one who invented foul-play, I coined the art of the lie Barold, and you will be captured, and your time machine will be mine!” He then shocked both Beli and Barold with electricity, knocking them out and causing the machine to once again pop away into the unknown.